bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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