i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
