Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i now understand why vodka
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
