Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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