Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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