can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think i have two assholes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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