I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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