I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
