he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
