yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
