I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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