i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
