I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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