I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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