At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
