Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
