so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
