I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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