I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
