Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
