He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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