Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
