I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
