Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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