trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
soo... how was my night?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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