Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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