her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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