Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
