I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
