I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
