her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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