I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
