I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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