I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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