apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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