i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Randomize
