ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
