I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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