she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
there is puke in my bra ... again
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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