i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
