I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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