I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
