He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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