the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
