Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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