she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize