with your own penis?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
