On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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