Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
