Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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