Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
