If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
