So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
