doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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