Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
