You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
