when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize