Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
